The Four Percent
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1.
They have hearts of gold:
$5 a week has been coming out of my bank for months and i only just realized i adopted a kangaroo named Poppy on New Year’s Eve while i was destroyed
2.
They are super responsible:
3.
They have a great fashion sense:
4.
They are one with technology:
6.
They make connections that last a lifetime:
7.
They are always there for their loved ones:
8.
They speak their mind:
You don’t know what fun is until you’ve witnessed a drunk on the Edinburgh to Glasgow train screaming “A fucking hate hedgehogs, come at me ya jabby wee cunt” while angrily circling a hairbrush that’s been dropped on the floor…
9.
They leave absolutely no waste:
10.
They always get home safe:
11.
They have great plans:
12.
They always get a good night’s sleep:
got drunk and fell asleep on the floor last night. my dog just laid there with me. she wasn’t even sleep 😂
13.
They have great reading comprehension:
16.
They are very level-headed:
17.
They have their priorities straight:
I’m not saying my husband isn’t allowed to make decisions while drinking, but this is what he ordered from room service at 2am.
“Scrambled eggs with cheese, 2 bottles of vodka, and while you’re at it, also the crab cakes.”
18.
They enjoy the finest of cuisines:
19.
And they’re super supportive:
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